I probably won’t go down in history, but I will go down on your sister

A morning of awkwardness is far better than a night of loneliness

My vagina looks like downtown baghdad right now.

Is your father a lumberjack? Because every time i look at you, I get serious wood in my pants.

For every beautiful woman, there’s a guy who’s bored of fucking her.

What I cannot do is resist the allure of a powerful woman.

What, there’s no bodily functions at the deanery? Just catered affairs?

Sometimes burps smell worse than farts.

We needn’t ever speak of it again but one does not very easily forget the kiss of a beautiful woman. That’s right. I said it. I meant it. I’m here to represent it.

I don’t just say shit. I mean, I do talk a lot of shit, but I generally mean what I say and I say what I mean.