Quotes from Season1

Make me an offer, I’ll counter the shit out of it. We will handle this like the proud, beautiful black men we are.

Okay, so who do I have to fuck to get a cocktail around here?

Who says we have to be realistic?

Not to contradict your dear old mom, who’s both wicked smart and wonderful, but, no, we don’t have to be realistic. Not when it comes to love.

What is a marriage, if not an opportunity to mock someone through thick and thin while simultaneously exploring your deepest darkest sexual desires?

I’m trying to mentally masturbate about it, but an image of you keeps popping. That’s a problem.

I know you Hebrews do things a little differently, but last I checked, a ménage ą trois was not a pit stop on the road to redemption.

How the fuck do you option a blog? What is there to option? The title? The font?

So, if it goes badly, I’ll have to fire her. Shit, if it goes well, I’d have to fire her. Either way, I’m out one fucking secretary and up a giant lawsuit.

I don’t wanna go where Hank has been. He probably left booby traps up there like the Vietcong.

You know, it’s all well and good to talk about happy endings. But if a person can’t deliver, if he keeps screwing up, well, eventually, I guess you kind of just have to say “fuck you” or words to that effect.

Just because something is bleak doesn’t necessarily make it true.

Happy endings may get a bad rep, but they do happen. And when they do, they’re just as true as the unhappy ones.

I just threw up in my mouth a little. You had 20 centuries of halfway decent verse to choose from and you’re going with some minor Frosty?

Well, basically it’s about how nothing good ever lasts. How, no matter what you do, it all just turns to shit in the end. You know, like you and mom.

“Rome is burning”, he said, as he poured himself another drink. “Yet here I am, knee-deep in a river of pussy. Here it comes,” she thought, “another self-indulgent, whiskey-soaked diatribe about how fucking great everything was in the past and how all us poor souls born too late to see the Stones at wherever or snort the good coke like they had at studio 54.” Well, we had all just missed out on practically everything worth living for. And the worst part was, she agreed with him. “Here we are,” she thought, “at the edge of the world, the very edge of western civilization, and all of us are so desperate to feel something, anything, that we keep falling into each other and fucking our way towards the end of days.”

You know, I dropped an Advil on the floor earlier and couldn’t find it. I thought maybe you could crawl around and look for it.

I was in danger of being bored to death.

All right, maybe… maybe you want me to pee on you. I know there’s people that do that. Okay, that’s all.

I miss your smell. When you left, I couldn’t wash the sheets because I didn’t want to lose that completely… You. And… it fucked me up for a long time because I would wake up and I’d smell you and I’d think you were there. And that would… My heart would break all over again. I think that’s why I go in for the kiss all the time. I know, yeah. I think I’m going for… another hit.

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