Quotes from Season1

It’s about a girl. She’s beautiful. She’s smart and funny, up for all kinds of intercourse.

I’m back, and you’re Black, which is cool. I’m a big fan of Black Jesus.

For a radical environmentalist such as yourself, this whole evening must have given you a clit-boner.

When you’ve spent the last five years loving a man and wondering why he doesn’t love you back…you tend to get a wee bit cynical about things.

You need a double dose of Viagra to get wood and you wear a fanny pack on the weekends.

Fuck around all you want, I’m no judge Judy. But don’t string a woman along for a major chunk of her childbearing years. That’s not cool.

Take it easy there, Diane Arbus. Don’t have a coronary, ’cause I wouldn’t know how to explain that to your wife.

One minute, I am sailing along, I’m being the guy who would never, ever cheat on his wife. The next second, I’m spanking the bare, naked ass of a 22-year-old girl.

If you’re having problems in the boudoir, it’s worth a conversation with the old lady.

Time to hang up your drinking shoes, lady.

Well, I’m not much one for causes, good or otherwise. I’m not a joiner.

And that’s the thing with you, Hank. One never knows what to expect from you or your dong.

Now I’m Hank Moody the blogger, soon to be Hank Moody the bartender.

Well, that’s what I do. I entertain.

I find interesting to hear these people ranting and raving about saving the environment when they’ll probably blow like 10 000 pounds of fuel on their private jet planes getting down to Cabo this weekend. That’s right, babs. You heard me. Tell Oprah I said so. Put that in your pipe and smoke it, ladies.

I want to be a 40-year-old virgin. Because it seems like, once you get laid, your life basically turns to shit.

Talk, really? Has anything good ever come of such a thing ever?

Good morning, Hell-A. In the land of the lotus-eaters, time plays tricks on you. One day you’re dreaming, the next, your dream has become your reality. It was the best of times. If only someone had told me. Mistakes were made, hearts were broken, harsh lessons learned. My family goes on without me, while I drown in a sea of pointless pussy. I don’t know how I got here. But here I am, rotting away in the warm California sun. There are things I need to figure out, for her sake, at least. The clock is ticking. The gap is widening. She won’t always love me “no matter what”

Honey, to quote The Clash, should I stay or should I rock the Casbah?

Don’t look a gift piece of overpriced pop art in the mouth.

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