Quotes from Episode5 - LOL

Bill asks Hank to step in as a guest speaker at Mia's creative writing class. Hank talks about his writing and motivations on a radio interview. Becca develops a crush on her guitar teacher Dave, but he ends up with Mia.

I love women. I have all their albums.

You know, it’s not fair to say “B.R.B” and then never actually B.R.B?

Look, I don’t want to take sides here, but I want to say, for the record, categorically, never.. never stick a finger up a grown man’s ass without warning. Don’t do it.

Right, there you were, just minding your own business, walking down Abbot Kinney when your dick fell in me. Oopsie.

Just the fact that people seem to be getting dumber and dumber. I mean, we have all this amazing technology, and yet… computers have turned into basically four-figure wank machines. The internet was supposed to set us free, democratize us, but… But all it’s really given us is Howard Dean’s aborted candidacy and… 24-hour day acces to kiddy porn. People… They don’t write anymore. They blog. Instead of talking, they text… No punctuation, no grammar, L.O.L. this and L.M.F.A.O. that. It just seems to me that it’s just a bunch of stupid people pseudo-communicating with a bunch of other stupid people in a protolanguage that resembles more what cavemen used to speak than the King’s English.

Anything with half a cock and one ball is gonna get a rise out of these kids.

All right, so, at the end of the day, if you can do anything else… telemarketing, pharmaceutical sales, or ditch digging, major league umpire… I would suggest that you do that, because being a writer blows.

What am I talking about? What am I talking about? I don’t know half the fucking time what I’m talking about.

B to the I to the double L. What’s up, my nig nog? Well, you should have called. I wouldn’t have answered, but you could’ve left a message, which I would have quickly erased.

Last time we tried anal during the light of day… Not pretty, remember?

What was that? What’d you just say just now? L.O.L.? Laugh out loud? That’s a part of your lexicon? Really? L.O.L.?

It’s about a girl. She’s beautiful. She’s smart and funny, up for all kinds of intercourse.

I’m back, and you’re Black, which is cool. I’m a big fan of Black Jesus.

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