Quotes from Season3

My vagina looks like downtown baghdad right now.

Is your father a lumberjack? Because every time i look at you, I get serious wood in my pants.

For every beautiful woman, there’s a guy who’s bored of fucking her.

Sometimes burps smell worse than farts.

What, there’s no bodily functions at the deanery? Just catered affairs?

What I cannot do is resist the allure of a powerful woman.

Never really all that interested, but I find myself telling her how beautiful she is anyway. ’cause it’s true – all women are, in one way or another. You know, there’s always something about every damn one of you. There’s a smile, a curve, a secret. You ladies really are the most amazing creatures. My life’s work. But then there’s the morning after. The hangover, and the realization that I’m not quite as available as I thought I was the night before. And then she’s gone. And I’m haunted by yet another road not taken.

I don’t just say shit. I mean, I do talk a lot of shit, but I generally mean what I say and I say what I mean.

We needn’t ever speak of it again but one does not very easily forget the kiss of a beautiful woman. That’s right. I said it. I meant it. I’m here to represent it.

In what universe is fucking like chinchillas and blowing coke up each other’s asses “seeing each other”?

Down the road, job opportunities tend to dwindle for those in the more naked professions.

Do you think the ladies have gone too far with the sex-positive feminism? I mean, I know they all say they’re down with the pornography and the shaved pudenda and whatnot, but do we really think that this is the path to liberation?

Are you sexually harassing me right now? Because if you are, I think I’m gonna have to report you. For giving me a serious boner.

That is a prime example of what’s wrong with the younger generation today – you leave nothing to the imagination.

If you and i were trapped together on a desert island – it would only be a matter of time before I was putting it in your pooper.

Faced with a severe vaginal drought – men will be men, boys will do boys.

All work and no ass-play makes Chuck a dull boy.

what do you say the two of us knock off early, huh? Slip out of this business casual, nude-up in my “jacooze”, see what kind of sodomy laws we can break?

You know, parents tell their kids they can be anything they want when they grow up. But it’s not true. Not for everyone. Sometimes that can fuck you up a lot more than someone telling you you can’t do a goddamn thing.

Teenage girls are greatly overrated.

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