Quotes from Season3

My vagina looks like downtown baghdad right now.

Is your father a lumberjack? Because every time i look at you, I get serious wood in my pants.

For every beautiful woman, there’s a guy who’s bored of fucking her.

Sometimes burps smell worse than farts.

What, there’s no bodily functions at the deanery? Just catered affairs?

What I cannot do is resist the allure of a powerful woman.

Never really all that interested, but I find myself telling her how beautiful she is anyway. ’cause it’s true – all women are, in one way or another. You know, there’s always something about every damn one of you. There’s a smile, a curve, a secret. You ladies really are the most amazing creatures. My life’s work. But then there’s the morning after. The hangover, and the realization that I’m not quite as available as I thought I was the night before. And then she’s gone. And I’m haunted by yet another road not taken.

I don’t just say shit. I mean, I do talk a lot of shit, but I generally mean what I say and I say what I mean.

We needn’t ever speak of it again but one does not very easily forget the kiss of a beautiful woman. That’s right. I said it. I meant it. I’m here to represent it.

In what universe is fucking like chinchillas and blowing coke up each other’s asses “seeing each other”?

Down the road, job opportunities tend to dwindle for those in the more naked professions.

Do you think the ladies have gone too far with the sex-positive feminism? I mean, I know they all say they’re down with the pornography and the shaved pudenda and whatnot, but do we really think that this is the path to liberation?

Are you sexually harassing me right now? Because if you are, I think I’m gonna have to report you. For giving me a serious boner.

That is a prime example of what’s wrong with the younger generation today – you leave nothing to the imagination.

It is possible that longing for something is better than actually having it. I’ve heard it said that satisfaction is the death of desire.

I can’t teach you how to write, and anybody who says they can is full of shit.

Don’t be niggardly with your emotions. Just run it up the flagpole and see who salutes.

Your story was bad. It was terrible, in fact. It was like that lame twilight bullshit. I have no patience for that crap. It’s not writing, it’s like bound toilet paper.

I may be easy, but I’m not sleazy.

If you and i were trapped together on a desert island – it would only be a matter of time before I was putting it in your pooper.

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