Quotes by Hank Moody

Dear Karen,

If you’re reading this it means I actually worked up the courage to mail it, so good for me. You don’t know me very well, but if you get me started I have a tendency to go on and on about how hard the writing is for me. But this, this is the hardest thing I’ve ever had to write.
There’s no easy way to say this so I’ll just say it, I met someone. It was an accident, I wasn’t looking for it, I wasn’t on the make—it was a perfect storm. She said one thing, I said another. Next thing I knew, I wanted to spend the rest of my life in the middle of that conversation. Now there’s this feeling in my gut: She might be the one.

She’s completely nuts, in a way that makes me smile—highly neurotic, a great deal of maintenance required. She is you, Karen. That’s the good news. The bad is that I don’t know how to be with you right now, and that scares the shit out of me. Because if I am not with you right now, I have this feeling we will get lost out there. It’s a big, bad world full of twists and turns, and people have a way of blinking and missing the moment—the moment that could’ve changed everything. I don’t know what’s going on with us, and I can’t tell you why you should waste a leap of faith on the likes of me. But damn you smell good, like home. And you make excellent coffee; that’s got to count for something, right?

Call me.

Unfaithfully Yours,
Hank Moody

I probably won’t go down in history, but I will go down on your sister

A morning of awkwardness is far better than a night of loneliness

What, there’s no bodily functions at the deanery? Just catered affairs?

Never really all that interested, but I find myself telling her how beautiful she is anyway. ’cause it’s true – all women are, in one way or another. You know, there’s always something about every damn one of you. There’s a smile, a curve, a secret. You ladies really are the most amazing creatures. My life’s work. But then there’s the morning after. The hangover, and the realization that I’m not quite as available as I thought I was the night before. And then she’s gone. And I’m haunted by yet another road not taken.

I don’t just say shit. I mean, I do talk a lot of shit, but I generally mean what I say and I say what I mean.

We needn’t ever speak of it again but one does not very easily forget the kiss of a beautiful woman. That’s right. I said it. I meant it. I’m here to represent it.

Down the road, job opportunities tend to dwindle for those in the more naked professions.

Do you think the ladies have gone too far with the sex-positive feminism? I mean, I know they all say they’re down with the pornography and the shaved pudenda and whatnot, but do we really think that this is the path to liberation?

Are you sexually harassing me right now? Because if you are, I think I’m gonna have to report you. For giving me a serious boner.

That is a prime example of what’s wrong with the younger generation today – you leave nothing to the imagination.

Don’t be niggardly with your emotions. Just run it up the flagpole and see who salutes.

Your story was bad. It was terrible, in fact. It was like that lame twilight bullshit. I have no patience for that crap. It’s not writing, it’s like bound toilet paper.

I may be easy, but I’m not sleazy.

Teenage girls are greatly overrated.

It is possible that longing for something is better than actually having it. I’ve heard it said that satisfaction is the death of desire.

I can’t teach you how to write, and anybody who says they can is full of shit.

You really have to want to quit. You gotta hit rock bottom.

You can’t blame everything on the economy, douche bag.

Hate the game, not the playa.

Hank Moody Clothing and Style