Quotes by Hank Moody

Wow! For once, I believe you actually wrote something. I also believe that you should honestly consider never writing anything ever again.

You kicked my dick out of the house. You made my dick homeless. “Out of doors” is a place where penises don’t fare well – in the rain and the wind and all that… My homeless dick now must seek shelter from the storm where and whence it can.

Who puts a fuckin’ bush there?

There’s something about her. I want to fuck her and punch her in the face, too. It’s weird.

Declaring Jihad on your pussy.

Despite all evidence to the contrary, I am a gentleman.

Call me “he who will kill you if you touch his daughter.”

Wow! First a kiss, now the sweet-talk. What’s next, a little hand release?

Don’t you sometimes wish you had two cocks? I do.

I don’t let the crushing pressures of the workday world interfere with the richness of my life as a sexual being.

Whatever you do, don’t be another brick in the wall!

Everybody’s a fucking comedian.

No man should ever have to bear witness to his “oh” face.

Well, I like to think of myself as having a 12-inch cock, but it doesn’t make it so.

I could pick your pussy out of a police line-up of pussy. I could. You know, if your pussy was ever arrested, God forbid, and had to be identified in some kind of line-up, I would get it right away.

OK, one more time, for the cheap seats. What happened there could have happened to anybody! Wrong place, wrong time, wrong vagina!

I’ve got a godlike erection. Seems a shame to waste it.

You’d deny a dying man his final meal?

Stay away from musicians. They’re nothing but trouble.

Check yourself, before you riggity riggity wreck yourself!

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