Quotes by Hank Moody

Wow! For once, I believe you actually wrote something. I also believe that you should honestly consider never writing anything ever again.

You kicked my dick out of the house. You made my dick homeless. “Out of doors” is a place where penises don’t fare well – in the rain and the wind and all that… My homeless dick now must seek shelter from the storm where and whence it can.

Who puts a fuckin’ bush there?

There’s something about her. I want to fuck her and punch her in the face, too. It’s weird.

Declaring Jihad on your pussy.

Despite all evidence to the contrary, I am a gentleman.

Call me “he who will kill you if you touch his daughter.”

Wow! First a kiss, now the sweet-talk. What’s next, a little hand release?

Don’t you sometimes wish you had two cocks? I do.

I don’t let the crushing pressures of the workday world interfere with the richness of my life as a sexual being.

Whatever you do, don’t be another brick in the wall!

Everybody’s a fucking comedian.

No man should ever have to bear witness to his “oh” face.

OK, one more time, for the cheap seats. What happened there could have happened to anybody! Wrong place, wrong time, wrong vagina!

Well, I like to think of myself as having a 12-inch cock, but it doesn’t make it so.

I could pick your pussy out of a police line-up of pussy. I could. You know, if your pussy was ever arrested, God forbid, and had to be identified in some kind of line-up, I would get it right away.

I’ve got a godlike erection. Seems a shame to waste it.

You’d deny a dying man his final meal?

Stay away from musicians. They’re nothing but trouble.

Check yourself, before you riggity riggity wreck yourself!

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