There are some images you don’t want floating around your pretty little head. Trust me, it’s like a Mapplethorpe shoot in there, except with less cock.
Quotes by Hank Moody
Girls know at once whether they want to fuck, marry, or kill a guy. Which begs the question: how am I doing?
And you’re no Brett fucking Ratner. But that could be a compliment, and in that case, I didn’t mean to.
Once upon a time, I wrote a book. People seemed to dig it, so I wrote another and one after that. That’s when Hollywood came knocking at my back door. As soon as I cashed that check, I wrapped my lips around the mighty erection that is the film industry and sucked hard, just like a good whore should. Unfortunately, I had to be taught not to orphan the balls.
There’s nothing quite like getting stoned on the very bed that your ex-domestic partner shares with her fiancé. It’s the little things.
Well, instead of finding out that your husband was gay, you could’ve found out that he was a…scientologist or something like that. Or a Nazi. Or Al Qaeda.
Hell-A Magazine blog number one. Hank hates you all. A few things I’ve learned in my travels through this crazy little thing called life. One: a morning of awkwardness is far better than a night of loneliness. Two: I probably won’t go down in history, but I will go down on your sister. And three: while I’m down there, it might be nice to see a hint of pubis. I’m not talking about a huge’70s playboy bush or anything, just something that reminds me that I’m performing cunnilingus on an adult. But I guess the larger question is, why is the city of angels so hell-bent on destroying its female population?
Yes, and it might be nice if I could fellate myself while farting the white album, but I haven’t been able to quite master that yet.